| Recently my roommate acquired an X-Box. Recently
as in "day-of-release", which by now was several months ago, but anyhow...
So I've become exposed to the console world of gaming once again.
This meant NFL Fever, Halo, Gotham Racing, and lots
and lots of Dead or Alive 3.
Now... most of my circle of friends are all more PC Gamers than console gamers.
We're more apt to sit down for a 4-hour session of Dark Age of Camelot
than sit in front of a TV playing some console "kiddie game". However...
a gamer is a gamer, and we're all console vets of some sort or another.
College does that to a person.
I, in my opinion, slipped into "vet" console status when a friend and I binged
on Twisted Metal II on the Playstation for 13 hours straight one day, and
solidified by the countless hours sunk into Super Smash Bros. and Goldeneye
on Nintendo 64. I've been with consoles since back in the Atari 2600
days, mind you -- but multiplayer console gaming is a whole different animal.
You have another living, breathing human being opponent (or sometimes teammate)
in the same room as you (heck, right next you), and you're sharing a TV screen
as the playing field. The playing field is level -- the controllers
are the same, the display is the same, and the machine is the same (none
of that "I was lagged, you're all ping!" like in online PC games).
There are, however, certain things to keep in mind during these experiences
-- things can either make or break the entire experience for everyone.
These follow, along with various other notes and anecdotes:
* The "Master"
You know him. He's generally the guy who owns the game and does nothing
but play it, all the time. And as such, he's gotten very good at the
game. Too good. I often hear "Masters" try to legitimize their
massacres of other casual opponents with the cry of "But if you play against
me like this, you'll get better!". No... you won't. You'll
not want to play the game anymore... ever.
To certain degrees every group has certain masters of a certain type of game.
I personally cannot be touched at any hockey game, ever, on any system.
Knowing this, and knowing that I can't really do much to level the
playing field with most hockey games against most opponents, I therefore
avoid playing hockey games even though I love them to death. Because
Iliterally crush people. I'll beat the North America All-Stars with
Columbus by a score of like 12-2 and not bat an eye.
Now... in some rare cases the "Master" can have this come back to haunt them.
I call this getting "Boomeranged", because what happens is someone
gets so angry at the "Master" for dominating, that the other person (who
generally has a good natural instinct for the certain type of game to begin
with) suddenly surges one day and manhandles the "Master". This is
followed by the inevitable cry of "I need to bear down and stop playing around!"
by the "Master" after losing 7 in a row, only to get beaten again. What
the "Master" has bred is contempt and hate, and he has lost his edge.
Usually, when a "Master" gets boomeranged you'll see him falter at
the game from then on -- oftentimes still competititve but rarely winning
outright much. Oftentimes the "Master" quickly loses interest in the
game after being bested and looks for somethign else they can beat peopel
in.
"Masters" can ruin a session, or even a game entirely for a group though,
and should therefore generally be given either a fitting handicap of some
sort, or they should sit it out every now and then.
* Controllers
Certain people are going to always gripe about certain controllers. This
is because certain controllers are in fact engineered by vegetation. Take
the N64 controller, for example -- what is up with that little directional
stick in the center that you HAVE to use generally? Or the X-Box --
who on earth puts the X and B buttons in the layout???
There's an easy way to tell if someone has a legit controller gripe or not
though. Watch what they're doing, or basically what their player or
character onscreen is doing. You can tell.
My roommate and I both are having complaints about the X and B buttons on
the X-Box being where they are -- and if you watch us, you can tell when
someone hits an X and they meant to hit a B, or visa versa. If I mean
to kick (B)and instead I do a block(X), it's pretty evident. Or
some people just cannot ever manage the N64 stick (hard to blame them --
it's poorly-placed on the controller and is way, way too loose). These
are legitimate gripes and things to consider when handicapping a gaming session
in a group.
It's the players though whose complaints about the controller change every
time. One time it's switching the A and B buttons. Next time,
their left thumb keeps falling off the directional-pad. The next,
they are getting the Left and Right top buttons confused. This is not
a legitimiate gripe. You need to either learn the controller or become
just plain coordinated.
* Talking
Talking is a HUGE part of any console gaming group experience.
A few people hate talking to take place during the game. I don't mean
just trash-talking, I mean ANY talking or sound of ANY type other than the
game sound. This is just silly and unreasonable. However, there
IS an unwritten code of conduct everyone agrees to when joining a console
gaming sesion, whetehr they realize it or not:
1). Talking IS allowed in general terms, with exceptions (IE, before
the football is snapped in Madden, or other instances where most everything
is time-based in relation to the sound). I don't care whether it's
about a car, about a girl, or if you're just MST3K-ing the game to death
(helllloooooo Dead or Alive 3!!!). Cope. Get used to the idea
that some people CAN play and talk at the same time.
2). Talking smack is fine, in moderation, and when appropriate. If
you just made a last-second pass on an opponent on the final lap to win a
race (and did so with skill, and not by some other sort of Act of God), then
by all means you've EARNED the right to glance over at your opponent and
to let him know that the substance clogging his nostrils right now is a 50/50
mixture of Your Dust and Defeat. :-)
However, getting an average run-of-the-mill kill in Goldeneye is NOT grounds
for any sort of sounds coming out of your mouth other than maybe a "Whew!"
or "Daaaannnngggg...". Excessive trash-talking at inappropraite times
will earn you a one-way ticket to Solo Land<tm>. This is the
unharmonious realm where you earn the wrath of all other players whose sole
goal in life now is to make your experience all the more miserable. It
just ruins things for everyone, so just don't go there to begin with.
3). Comedy is a touchy subject. Sometimes you can't help but
make a funny comment, or you'll burst. This is understandable.
Especially if you've been MST3K-ing games, because you're just simply
in that mode. However, if someone isn't into that, then it's best to
keep it to a minimum. The best time for comedy is when someone says
something so funny that it completely throws of everyone playing, including
the person who cracked the joke. Oftentimes this results in a visit
to the PAUSE button while everyone regains their composure and focus. This
adds to the experience, in my opnion, but you may not think so.
4). Inside lingo/Communications (more talking)
This is my absolte favorite part of console gaming with friends.
For instance, it's an unwritten rule in Goldeneye that when you suddenly
begin to hear any sort of rapid gunfire along with someone bellowing "The
love.... THE LOVE!!!" that you need to stay away from that area until the
firing stops. Running towards the love almost always ends in tragedy,
and you staring at a stats screen waiting to respawn. Or heck, any
game where anyone begins bellowing "THE LOVE!! OH GOD, THE LOVE!!!!!"
it's usually to be taken as a signal to avoid that area like.... now.....
and possibly run!
Also in Goldeneye, being "Klobbed" is one of the worst ways to go down, right
up there with "Stuck" (by a throwing knife, which I got way too good with
in the end). Or my personal favorite -- if you suddenly begin to hear
someone whistling a happy tune accompanied by "*whoosh click*, especially
repeating rapidly, it means that things are going to be getting extra crispy
in a certain section of the level because it just got "proxy-mined" by a
bunch of proximity mines. We don't allow proxy-mining anymore unless
accompanied by the obligatory whistling while you work.
In any fighting game it's a prerequisite that during the fight the players
must randomly speak like badly-translated-and-overdubbed actors from a Japanese
B-movie spouting lines like "Now you feel my foot! It is smelly!
So try my other foot!" and "This wall is hard, I don't like
it much, I will avoid!". These lines should mock everything in
sight, including the other player, yourself, you getting the crap kicked
out of you, and even the sound and scenery on any given level. In fighting
games where you can knock off things from certain characters, it's also required
for the victim to suddenly act enraged as if they were going to avenge your
knocking off their hat or glasses ("FOOL! You dare touch the hat?!?
Now you shall truly feel the wrath of my Fists of Power!
AIIIEEEE!!!"). Also, every fighting game has a Bruce Lee
clone, and it's mandated that whoever is playing as the Bruce Lee clone must
make an excessive amount of grunts, "Heeeeyah!" 's, and "Hwaaaaaahhhhhh!"
's during the course of a match, as penance for choosing to play as the clone.
One last fighting-games-related note. Prophet4 has coined the
term "Kicky-Kick-Whore-the-Wrong-Guy" in relation to a certain Tekken character,
and I have herebey dubbed every corresponding character in every fighting
game since the same This is the character whose only moves consist
of kicking the opponent really quickly and repeatedly so they can't recover,
and have no other redeeming features or moves. EVERY fighting game
has one of these (since Chun-Li in Street Fighter -- look it up yourself).
Some games also having a corresponding character with punches but we
usualy end up calling themeither Balrog (after the Mike Tyson wannabe
in Street Fighter II).. or possibly "Bar-log" if you're certain people I
know.... or Jack after the worst offender in the Tekken series.
Many older hockey games were constructed in such a way that I could execute
the Joe Reekie Move<TM> -- in reference to the then-defenseman of the
then-expansion Tampa Bay Lightning. The Joe Reekie Move was dubbed
as such because I first discovered it while using Reekie almost exclusively,
and it essentialy consisted of sitting back as a defensman in your own zone
and then abruptly firing out in a certain direction at a specific angle at
a specific instant (the same instant on every rush -- about 1.5 seconds after
the puck clears your own blue line) and almost ALWAYS intercepting a pass
(because of how the CPU managed the other AI players) for a clear breakaway,
where you'd fake or deke to the right and then drag the puck back to the
left and shoot it backhand for a goal every time. About 3 years worth
of EA Sports' NHL games, as well as Pro Sport Hockey for the NES, were all
built in such a way that you could execute the Joe Reekie Move. It
was especially brutal in Pro Sports Hockey -- where it was good for at least
6 goals a game.
No matter what football game is being played, my brother-in-law and I always
speak up at some point during a game and ask what the "Kill QB" audible is,
in reference to the late and great Mutant League Football where there WAS
an actual audible you could use once a half to "Kill the QB". This
gag never gets old. We also have a phenomenon called The Jim Abbott
Incident whereby we used the afformentioned pitcher (who thrived as a big-league
pitcher despite the noticeable handicap of having a hand on only one arm)
to somehow win the Home Run Derby in Triple Play '97, narrowly beating out,
of all people, Roger Clemens.
Lingo is 75% of the experience and everyone and every group ends up forming
their own inside jokes and words/phrases eventually.
* Proper Acknowledgement
One of the great things about playing with certain people is when you play
with people who appreciate anything or everything cool and will let you know
-- even if it was what was just pulled on or against them. We're talking
"Pause-the-Game-and-Put-Down-the-Controller-So-I-Can-Properly-Worship" type
of moves. When someone tears on your character with an unheard-of
string of combos, or when your behind-the-back pass ends up being an alley-oop
slam dunk. Or even when you crash your car so spectacularly that it
will never, ever be duplicated. It's moves like these that deserve
homage and respect, so respect them! Sometimes a "WHOAH!" will suffice.
Other times, it's going to require a replay... or five... or
more. These are the Golden Moments of console gaming, enjoy them,
indulge in them, tell your friends about them! We tended to have these
moments every 45 seconds during San Fransisco: Rush and SF: Rush 2, but even
then they all seemed appropriate.
When someone or something deserves props, give props. This is a feel-good
vibe that will spread to one and all during the session and it's contagious
-- if one or two people are like that, it's hard for the rest of the group
to not get caught up in the enthusiasm as well. And that only means
good things for all involved.
* Falling Asleep
And finally, faling asleep during a game is simply unacceptable. While
being great to game with, my brother-in-law has a horrible tendency to fall
asleep in the middle of a game sometimes late at night. This is incredibly
annoying and awkward to the party or parties left awake, and it also ruins
the middle of a perfectly good game. Just don't do this... ever....
And finally, please remember, it's only a game and all for fun.
...#^%&@#^%*!!! Who the #@$!^@&$#&$ decided the X and B
buttons needed to be placed like that!!!...
-- Rik A. Kyser. |
